Barsexuality is the new black.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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