i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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