This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
