I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
