You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
