he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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