Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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