drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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