just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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