just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
