i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
