We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
