He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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