I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
