I never want to see another naked old woman again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
