I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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