this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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