Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
