I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
