you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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