final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
