I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
