I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
