Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
