And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
