New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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