so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
