I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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