I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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