A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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