he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
