Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
