Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
