i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
