i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
