is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
