my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My dick has a subreddit
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
