So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
