You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
