At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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