he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
