you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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