I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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