it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
