I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
