Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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