I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
