I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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