She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
