...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I touched a dick in church today
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
