U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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