i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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