Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
